This may seem odd coming from a man who is devoting the next however many weeks to reviewing Hell’s Kitchen, but I am just not really a big fan of TV. There are a couple of shows that I tune into regularly, HK being one of them. I’ll confess that when the first few bars of, “FIRE”, come rolling on, I start to giggle like a teenage girl at an all-night Twilight marathon….it’s as un-pretty as it sounds. The season 9 premiere was split over 2 nights, so let’s take a little peek at what went down.
Week 1 – Night 1
After the usual 5 minute preview of the coming season, the show switched to a tricked out bus carrying this season’s 18 hopefuls to meet Chef Ramsay. (Was it just me or did it look like maître d, James was swinging on a stripper pole?). Along the way, we were introduced to the personalities of the newbies; the lone wolf, the hot girl, the psycho, and the tattooed freak, to name but a few. The bus detoured and pulled into the Orpheum Theater where, after a quick make-up check, the cooks were put on stage. You could sense their excitement, see their confidence soaring, and then the curtain lifted to reveal Ramsay, slow-clapping them from the balcony. The looks on their faces were priceless; 18 ego’s crushed in one swipe.
From there, it was on to HK, with 45 minutes to cook their signature dishes. In something of a twist, the signature dish challenge became a team challenge pitting mean against women. Will and Carrie faced off first with miss Carrie taking delight in telling everyone there was sugar in her mashed potatoes; result, potatoes spit into the trash, Will’s gnudi very good….1-0 men. Next up, Amanda vs. Brendan, who took a big chance by cooking a signature Ramsay salmon dish. Both turned out great, resulting in a tie, 2-1 men. Jennifer then took on Jonathon, a good ole southern boy, who got trashed for using canned pineapple in his dish, 2-2.
Krupa served stuffed nann that looked and tasted vile. Paul’s crab dish went over well, giving the men a 3-2 lead. Sous chef Jamie served lamb, but overcooked it, Steven served hockey puck looking scallops that resulted in no points for anyone. Elise’s scallops destroyed Chino’s dish, making it 3-3. Natalie and Monterray both served up delicious meals and earned a point each, then Elizabeth and tattooed boy Tommy also served up great meals, tying the score at 5-5, with the last 2 dishes to come….oooooh, the drama!!
Gina overdid her scallops a touch, and sweatbox, Jason served taco’s that surprisingly won the day, 6-5 for the men. The boy’s won a trip to a fancy restaurant with last season’s winner, Nona, whilst the ladies were forced to clean.
Dinner Service – Men in blue team, ladies red.
I should have known that Jason’s sweating in the signature dish segment wasn’t a good sign. Mere minutes into food prep, he went from a perspiring chef to an extra from The Hangover in a skipped heartbeat; cue the medics, a trip to hospital and eviction from Hell’s Kitchen.
Dinner service did not start well for Chino, Elise and Monterray making basic mistakes, Elise’s big mouth and bad risotto proving particularly disturbing. Steven then started serving meals out of order, but Will seemed to rise above the mediocrity to get the blue team rolling. Krupa made a great risotto, but made the mistake of celebrating a little too quickly drawing Chef Ramsay’s ire. Chino continued to be unimpressive, and was pulled from cooking and made to sit in the corner peeling onions; the only thing missing was the dunce cap.
Krupa continued to shine on the meat station, while Steven continued to sink faster than a concrete Chilean sea bass. He was consigned to the corner with Chino and forced to eat his rubbery scallops. Tommy was next to be sent to the table, the fish station seeming to be the spot where chefs go to die. The ladies, at this point, are not fairing any better; cut to the dining room and customers dining on wine and dinner rolls. Elise, trying to assert herself in the kitchen, was the first sent to the ladies table. Her mouth and attitude could mean trouble for her, if she survives.
Highlight Of The Night Alert -With customers bolting for the door, and not a single entrée served, Ramsay tears into the blue team asking why there are no entrees, yet the dirty pans are piled roof high in the sink. Any ideas, he asks. Steven chimes in with the greatest response of all time, “want me to jump in and start washing them?”….classic stuff, Steven, please don’t get sent home. SHUT IT DOWN, service over….winner – red team, ladies.
Elimination
After much squabbling and chest beating, the men put up Steven and Monterray for elimination. Chef Ramsay agreed, but added Chino to the firing squad. After the usual pleas for mercy, Steven got the axe, much to my chagrin. This is a man who had the chance to be an unconscious purveyor of comedy gold this season, but alas, no. Who knows, perhaps someone will fill his clown shoe’s tomorrow night.
John Watson splits his time between work that pays the bills, and writing which is his true love. As a Scotsman living in the deep south, he is forced to write in order to be understood. John currently resides in the Atlanta area with wife, Penny, a regional chef. You can read more of his work by visiting his blog at TheInkedWriter.com
